I’m Fine… but the MS is not

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What should I say? Do I remain polite? Or complain?

But it’s good manners to say “Good morning” and ask how someone is, then remark on the weather. People don’t really want to know how I am, any more than they want to learn about my writing.

My wheelchair is invisible and all they see is the smile on my face… the smile that keeps me going, along with my writing. Depression, openly demonstrated, doesn’t sit well with MS, even if it lurks behind me most of the day.

I have real friends that understand, many writers that I met online, some even suffer with invisible illnesses and know the secret of hiding the pain. Yet there are days when the pain gets too much and I scream aloud, my body jerking with uncontrollable spasms. On those days both writing and thinking are jumbled. But I’m not the only sufferer that writes.

Writing is a healer and a distraction. Without writing my brain would have ground into a snail slither. Writing keeps my ‘little grey cells’ devising new ways to kill people, and new motivations for deviousness. Sadly, I can’t write down everything that flickers along the scrambled pathways.

So I’m Fine… on the outside, but I’m suffering inside, struggling to get the words out whether by voice or keyboard. The MS is taking time to emerge because the MS is making my life a daily struggle. But I will win, given enough time.

Yes, I flinch when I read MS. To me it is not a ManuScript, but a MonSter called Multiple Sclerosis.

And others live with their monsters and triumph.

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This is my monthly post in the Insecure Writers Support Group Day and there are many words of wisdom out in cyber-space. I’m only number 180 among 297 other bloggers. If you click here there are links to all of them and you can visit as many as you want. All thanks to Ninja Captain Alex J Cavanaugh and his co-hosts Krista McLaughlin, Kim Van Sickler, Heather Gardner, and Hart Johnson!

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11 thoughts on “I’m Fine… but the MS is not

  1. Hey, Roland. You’re right. People who say how are you don’t really want to know. Sad to say. Sending a cyber-hug.

  2. My co-worker and I have discussed the topic of polite greetings. Whenever someone asks how he is, he responds with “Highly mediocre” because, as you’ve brought up, no one really wants to know.

    At least online, when people visit your blog, you know they are interested in you, and aren’t responding out of forced politeness because you happened to make eye contact in the hallway.

    I’m sorry about your pain, but your positive attitude of “I will win” is wonderful to read. Your determination is inspiring.

    Loni

    • Thanks Loni… will have to give the “Highly Mediocre” a try. Or I could try “On A Roll” as that could mean either way. And I will stay positive, the genuine visits all help. Thanks.

  3. Thankyou for that cry from the heart, Roland – it does us all good. And I’m glad that wheelchair is invisible to you. It is indeed the face that matters, and the person behind it.

  4. Your profile picture shines, Roland. I’m sorry to hear that you don’t always feel like your portrait. I really don’t know how you hold back when people ask that loaded question. I always reply with the truth. If I’m at a low ebb I let them have it. People shouldn’t ask if they don’t want to know. You soon see who cares. Keep writing as long as it’s physically possible. It is a great distraction from all kinds of problems and I know it gives me a sense of achievement. Massive hugs as a mutual friend would say 🙂

    • Thank you Jane for your kind words, I will keep writing for as long as it is physically possible. Writing keeps my brain active active and as you say it can distract from some problems… but not all sadly. Learning to tell the truth rather than smile and mislead people – they need to know the MonSter I live with.

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