Sadness in April……

Writing about my mother is hard just day’s after her death. Writing anything has been difficult recently – MS ill health; emotional upheaval; trying to focus on editing; emails & blogs to read; writing tips to learn….

I’m trying to get past a blockage that has been growing since I completed the NaNoWriMo a few months ago. Some days it’s easier to escape into another world than write.

One day I will start blogging properly again – when I have something people want to hear. Am I talking to myself, I ask as I type away? Not just now but in earlier posts. Does anyone want to read the thoughts of an unpublished writer without insights? I thought not.

Until I have something worthwhile to say, then as Abraham Lincoln said: ‘Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

So read what my wife says instead…….



Here it is the12th day of April 2013 and it is raining outside…..when does it not ever rain here in England? For now I am just going to think that all these raindrops are “tears” from heaven.

We lost Rolands mum, Nidia, on the 8th at age 84, and this just added to the ever mounting sadness that the first part of April brings to this family. Two years ago on the 9th we lost our daughter and on the 12th we lost my step-dad. So it has been very trying to say the least.

I sit and wonder about Nidia………and why I felt like she did not like me at all……it didn’t matter what I did to try and please her, it just didn’t seem to be enough……..she burned many bridges with me in the short 3 years that I knew her……oh I…

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One thought on “Sadness in April……

  1. I am sorry to hear about your mum. my thoughts are with you. It seems we have something in common. Writing insecurity, wondering if anyone is out there or who wants to read my stuff ( unpublished author) . I too am struggling to complete a novel after winning nano in November . I can’t concentrate, particularly on one thing, my mind jumps all over the place … If it bothers to get involved at all. I had cancer in 2007 and the chemo and meds have broken down my remaining good health, if I’m not in pain, I’m fatigued, feel low or on bad days all of those things. After an initial diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome with arthritis, they have finally settled on fibromyalgia with osteoarthritis and the start of osteoporosis , which in my early 50s is bad news. Even more so as I have a disabled mother who relies on me pushing the wheelchair , so as well as looking after myself I need to look after her. On top of all that I have given myself the difficult target of being published in the next few years. ( and I mean properly published not self published or e books). When I read your blog and many of your Facebook comments I have thought, I am lucky, it could be worse… I could have MS or still have the cancer… And today after reading your blog I thought …and I still have my mum. I feel for you. I am an only child and she is my main fan, and still probably the only one who believes I will get published. So before then, I will speak and be thought a fool rather than be silent and end up giving up altogether. Keep on keeping on ……. There will be good days ahead and in the mean time I will be reading your blog…


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