#IWSG – Quit or Fade Away?

I was about to pass on this month’s Insecure Writer’s Support Group post due to fallout from my health issues – the MonSter, known medically as multiple sclerosis. However, the monthly question made me hesitate, so please bear with my confused thoughts.

Okay, here goes.

Well, first I must thank the Ninja Captain, Alex J. Cavanaugh for all he does – and thanks for creating the Insecure Writer’s Support Group without whom my writing would be non-existent…and March’s post might have been ‘farewell’.

Second, my thanks to all those whose encouraging comments ensure I scribble onwards.

Anyway, don’t forget to visit real writers via the IWSG site, and for better answers to this month’s challenging question.

Insecure Writer’s Support Group

Although the question is optional, I’m again tempted to answer.

July 7 question – What would make you quit writing?

Quit writing? Why?

Despite my health, my brain keeps delving and devising. I have enough unfinished projects and first drafts to keep my writing-self distracted for years. Like my alternative history surrounding the Viking Age, I’m watching TV shows – ‘The Last Kingdom’ and ‘Vikings’ – which keep me thinking ‘what if’.

And I’m listening to an excellent series of audiobooks – the Fiona Griffiths Welsh detective series by Harry Bingham – which ensures my Welsh detectives, Sparkle Anwyl and Kama Pillai keep getting attention.

However, my hands don’t always co-operate, nor does my voice – I’m fading slowly.

So, the answer may be ‘I’ll quit when I fail to get my jumbled thoughts out on paper/screen/whatever’. Or die with my notebook open.

Until then, I’ll keep scribbling.

Additional Thoughts

When devising the title of this post, I had the phrase ‘It’s better to burn out than to fade away’ in mind, and a scene from Highlander. While searching for a clip, I found the true origin as well, which was buried in my memory.

So, first here’s Neil Young with the original version – My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue)

And here’s Neil Young & Crazy Horse with the other track with that phrase. The two tracks bookended the same album. Anyway, here’s –  Hey Hey, My My ( Into the Black ) live performance in 1991.

Plus, here’s the scene from Highlander, with the quote coming at the end.

The awesome co-hosts for the July 7 posting of the IWSG are Pat Garcia, Victoria Marie Lees, and Louise – Fundy Blue!

How can I be repetitive asking you to agree these guys are the best? Well, they are – especially as they all have concerns, fears, and insecurities. But they struggle on, so ticker-tape applause for all of them – plus toasts with the best brew available.

Purpose of IWSG: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post. These questions may prompt you to share advice, insight, a personal experience or story. Include your answer to the question in your IWSG post or let it inspire your post if you are struggling with something to say.

Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer – aim for a dozen new people each time – and return comments. This group is all about connecting!

Let’s rock the neurotic writing world!

Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post. These questions may prompt you to share advice, insight, a personal experience, or story. Include your answer to the question in your IWSG post or let it inspire your post if you are struggling with something.

For more on the IWSG monthly post and links to other participants visit:

https://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html

#IWSG – Word View

Created  and hosted by the Ninja Captain himself, Alex J. Cavanaugh, theInsecure Writer’s Support Groupmonthly blog post is here again – and so am I, insecure, although a notch less.

I finally got my entry for the 2019 Annual IWSG Anthology Contest in with a day to spare. Finally, I suppressed my fears, switched off my urge to edit, edit, edit, and edit forever. I managed to integrate almost all the comments from my wonderful beta readers. However, my step kids were no shows as readers. But I had an awesome MG kid-reader from the UK – thanks Rebecca, for some awesome suggestions.

Insecurity postponed until the results appear next year.

Now, I’m stressing about my Pitch Wars 2019 submission – Fevered Few. The required query letter, one-page synopsis, and the first chapter of my completed manuscript are achievable by the September 25th-27th deadline. But I’m unsure if I have a “completed and polished full-length, fiction manuscript”. Complete perhaps, but ‘dusted’ might fit better than ‘polished’.

So, another insecure month. Or maybe, I’ll work on my short stories and the drug cartel in Bolivia.

Anyway, on to the IWSG monthly question.

September 4 question – If you could pick one place in the world to sit and write your next story, where would it be and why?

 I’m writing this in an office shared with my wife, that overlooks a suburban US street – not my dream location.

Requirements for change:

  1. Water view: by a river would be good or overlooking a beach or ocean.
  2. Mountain view: looking out onto green alpine meadows or something with a snow cap.
  3. Log cabin: a feel of being in the woods, surrounded by trees.
Crater Lake National Park, Oregon, USA, Phantom Ship – Photo by Brian W. Schaller
Published under the Creative Commons license – CC BY-NC-SA 4.0

In my mind, I see a cabin on Crater Lake in Oregon, USA. We once looked at murals to create some of that on the wall behind/beside our desks. Sound effects? We were planning to move to a mobile home park with houses overlooking a lake – but that’s not happening.

Of course, our house and office in North Wales was on the edge of woodland, overlooked Ceredigion Bay, and had a view of Snowdon. Plus, we had jackdaws in our garden. Just try ignoring our neighbours-from-Hell.

My wife’s photo may not show the estuary or the tip of Harlech Castle, but we could see them, especially from our landscaped garden. But the memories are there – and inspire my writing about Detective Sparkle Anwyl of the North Wales Police/Heddlu Gogledd Cymru in my Snowdon Shadows series.

And that photo has been enlarged, so it hangs above my desk with a red Welsh Dragon in front. Outside the window, beside our new rose garden, is a fountain of running water. Good enough for the next story, especially as we are spending the last weekend of September in a cabin in the mountains surrounded by pine trees.

*

The awesome co-hosts for the September 4 posting of the IWSG are Gwen Gardner, Doreen McGettigan, Tyrean Martinson, Chemist Ken, and Cathrina Constantiner!

(I so admire these guys as I know they have commitments too. Ticker-tape applause.)

Purpose of IWSG: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post. These questions may prompt you to share advice, insight, a personal experience or story. Include your answer to the question in your IWSG post or let it inspire your post if you are struggling with something to say.

Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer – aim for a dozen new people each time – and return comments. This group is all about connecting!

Let’s rock the neurotic writing world!

Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post. These questions may prompt you to share advice, insight, a personal experience or story. Include your answer to the question in your IWSG post or let it inspire your post if you are struggling with something to say. 

#IWSG – Sneaky Surprises

Created  and hosted by the Ninja Captain himself, Alex J. Cavanaugh, theInsecure Writer’s Support Groupmonthly blog post is here again – and so am I, insecure or maybe just guilty.

Guilty as my writing in July continued to be minimal: a few book reviews and the first draft for my August #WEP/IWSG CHALLENGE – due a fortnight (two weeks) today. Meanwhile, Sparkle Anwyl has taken a holiday in my head. And I’m still wading through a backlog of emails that fills up like sand.  Or is it my gaming distractions or my health?   

Rabbit holes – like researching hashtags that describe me: #IWSG #WEP/IWSG #crimefiction #ubisoftgames #assassinscreed #gamer #bookworm #goodreads #MS. Those were for #PWPoePrompts.

My biggest concern is my entry for the 2019 Annual IWSG Anthology Contest. I’ve done most of the research, but some key bits are missing. I’ve outlined my story but I’ve yet to finish the first draft. Finally, I fear I need more than beta readers that know MG. The deadline looms – September 4th. Panic is setting in.

Beta readers. I keep losing them. I even need some to help get ‘Azure Spark’ ready for pro-editing. Are my own critiques frightening writers/readers away?

The brutal truth. Can anyone help me, please?

Anyway, on to the IWSG monthly question.

August 7 question – Has your writing ever taken you by surprise? For example, a positive and belated response to a submission you’d forgotten about or an ending you never saw coming?

I can’t claim any ‘industry’ surprises. But that’s not surprising given my lack of productivity. A few expected rejections, a few years ago. One hoped for acceptance – my debut novel, Spiral of Hooves. But unsurprising low sales and mixed reviews.

However, there was one surprise while writing Spiral of Hooves – the identity of the antagonist. S/he changed as I edited the early drafts and focused the story – as did her/his motive.

In one of my current WIPs, part of the Snowdon Shadows series, one of my favourite characters became an unexpected victim – but with a twist. Where did that come from?

There must be a devious person at work in my mind. Who is it? Why did I create a link back to my unrelated debut? A character in the WIP series appeared after playing a minor role in Spiral of Hooves. Who was more surprised? Me or Sparkle?

*

The awesome co-hosts for the August 7 posting of the IWSG are Renee Scattergood, Sadira Stone, Jacqui Murray, Tamara Narayan, and LG Keltner!

(I so admire these guys as I know they have commitments too. Ticker-tape applause.)

Purpose of IWSG: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post. These questions may prompt you to share advice, insight, a personal experience or story. Include your answer to the question in your IWSG post or let it inspire your post if you are struggling with something to say.

Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer – aim for a dozen new people each time – and return comments. This group is all about connecting!

Let’s rock the neurotic writing world!

Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post. These questions may prompt you to share advice, insight, a personal experience or story. Include your answer to the question in your IWSG post or let it inspire your post if you are struggling with something to say. 

#MyInvisibleMS – Rising above My MS

Thursday May 30th, 2019, marks World MS Day, an opportunity for the global community to come together, share stories, and increase awareness about what living with multiple sclerosis (MS) is really like.

The sun is shining, and I can see blue sky outside, so let’s start with the positives.

I might have retired early but now have time to write more fiction – and at my own speed. Fewer deadlines mean less stress.

I get to spend more time with my wife, our dogs and cats, and with my stepfamily. Some family even help us around the house and garden.

My MS symptoms are sporadic and, in some ways, less severe than for others with MS or other chronic diseases. Much of the time, I can ignore them and attempt to get a few things done – like writing and chilling.

I can stay up late – playing computer games – and stay in bed without having to go to work. My schedule and not some magazine’s or newspaper’s.

Relaxation

However, I can’t ignore the invisible nature of MS – even if many do. I’m in a wheelchair so no longer invisible – just an obstacle blocking the aisle or sidewalk. But I wish people would realise my brain still works – well, most of the time but in weird ways.

MS creates a brain fog. I struggle with thoughts, finding my words – lost or jumbled. Thinking can be as hit or miss as writing or speaking. I stumble through this confusion and fall often.

Falling is a fear extending to the physical. When I walked, I stumbled and fell. Now, when I transfer to and from my wheelchair, the danger has changed – somewhat. I still hit the floor hard though. And my wife can’t pick me up so has to call for help.

Is the MS my fault? The truth is none of us sufferers have MS because of some bad habit or poor lifestyle choice. Some things might trigger symptoms – like stress or noise – but there is no known cause. This strikes many different people with varying lifestyles.

I ate organic vegetarian food mostly, didn’t smoke, or drink often. My work wasn’t more stressful than some. But my health dice came up with MS – and leukaemia.

Meeting others with MS, or reading about them, made me realise our symptoms can differ – hence the ‘multiple’. The course of the disease, the speed and the intensity vary. So, our treatments are as diverse as our symptoms.

Symptoms are chronic, debilitating, and so much more intense than others understand. Fatigue strikes fast and not always when I plan to nap. This is not tired in the normal sense.

My emotions flare as well. I get angry over stupid things, from emails to computer games. And the tears flow with regular ease – from pleasure, frustration, from sadness. Intense noise grates, like dogs barking or kids screaming. Sensory overload is a daily hazard.

My internal thermostat is faulty. Most of the time I’m cold but I can overheat, especially in warm, muggy weather. Damp or humid weather don’t suit – even if I miss wet Wales. The sea breeze there dispelled the dampness.

The medical approach to MS, especially here in the US, leans heavily towards keeping the pharmaceutical companies in business, rather than a cure. Disease modifiers – not that I got those with the NHS postcode lottery – are the norm. But there isn’t an acceptable one for my secondary progressive MS. Under neither system was medical marijuana an option for me – well, not legally in Idaho.

But the medical research has brought benefits and relief to many. Those newly diagnosed have choices I didn’t. There is hope out there.

However, people still believe MS is a death sentence – it is not. We are perhaps vulnerable to other conditions as our immune system is compromised. That doesn’t mean MS will kill me. So, don’t count on inheriting yet, brother.

But it is a life sentence. Emphasis on LIFE! The inspirational people with MS tell me “there’s a lot of it to be lived after diagnosis”. I have plans and things to do – like publish the Snowdon Shadows series; and that’s four books and ideas churning.

Whatever condition gets rolled for us, we are warriors and life is precious so worth fighting for.

Visibility

The Multiple Sclerosis International Federation (MSIF) is encouraging family members, caregivers, and patients affected by multiple sclerosis to participate in World MS Day today. Each year, MSIF, which now includes dozens of MS organizations worldwide, launches a campaign focused on a different theme to mark the day. This year’s theme is Visibility. Called “My Invisible MS” (#MyInvisibleMS), the 2019 campaign is geared toward raising awareness of the invisible symptoms of MS, and their hidden impact on the quality of life of MS patients, their family members, and caregivers.

Other Multiple Sclerosis links for today:

Selma Blair and MS https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a26532498/selma-blair-ms-gma-interview-spasmodic-dysphonia/

Positive Living with MS https://positivelivingwithms.com/2019/05/30/i-am-not-multiple-sclerosis-and-have-not-been-misdiagnosed/

MS On My Mind https://www.msisonmymind.com/what-is-ms-on-my-mind

Equestrian Author Spotlight

Last year, I was interviewed by Carly Kade for her Equestrian Author Spotlight series.

Here is a link to that interview, published today:
https://www.carlykadecreative.com/blog/equestrian-author-spotlight-meet-roland-clarke?fbclid=IwAR0r0jy9ZCLNMiep-IC7OQV3TVIBPajPuSf_7tgUAL0x3_S-qdEPhpJCFro

I have made an update on the post in the comments as my Work in Progress – well, my novel WIP – has changed. Story of my life.

Tremor Warnings

Two recent events have shaken my routine. One a post and one a game. Nothing earth shattering, more tremors – warnings of what might or will occur.

This post about ‘diversity’, Social Justice Warriors, and the withdrawal of Amélie Wen Zhao’s Blood Heir set me thinking about my current WIP, Fevered Few and what I was attempting.

I’m a WASP hetero male trying to write a novel with a female queer protagonist in the North Wales Police. Am I heading for the pillory or worse – even if I am trying to use diversity readers?

I had already realised I needed to tread carefully after a somewhat different controversy arose over the sexuality choices in the game Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey.

It probably doesn’t help that I’m making my protagonist Welsh with a deaf sister, since I’m English and I’ve never even committed a crime – other than parking illegally or speeding. Okay, I’m disabled, with Quaker abolitionist ancestors and splashes of Latin and Scottish blood. But none of those are qualifications.

Okay, SF writers write about aliens but aren’t from another planet. However, we don’t see the aliens protesting; or is that why there are abductions and experiments?

Is the solution to stop writing my Welsh police procedural series and tackle a topic that I know about? Horses?

Dang, I’ve done that and got criticised for my lack of knowledge.

Falling? My life-story could be fictionalised, but who is inspired by that? Not me.

Insecurity 1. Meltdown imminent.

Later the same day, I went into Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate and got thrown into a quest that required me to press/punch/mash keys in quick succession.

Fail. Retry. Fail. Retry.

Fail. Retry. Fail. Retry.

Fail. Retry. Fail. Retry.

The fingers on my left hand locked up, and my hand became a useless claw while my head thumped.

Insecurity 2. Meltdown imminent.

That was not the first time that my hand and my reactions failed.  I had the same problem in Shadow of the Tomb Raider last week. Plus, it occurs when I type so when I’m working on a novel or a post – like now.

Meltdown

The harsh reality is that my multiple sclerosis is threatening to disrupt my life again – if I let it. I need to amend the rules…move the goalposts. Or change rackets.

Well, keyboards.

But not the typing element as half the keys are missing.

  • Step Two – Dictation software. I’ve ordered Dragon NaturallySpeaking Premium 13 – arriving on Saturday. However, training my Dragon will take time, especially as my speech is slurred – MS side-effect. It will mean that in a few weeks, I might get to write as fast as I talk.

Even after spending this money, I still need to decide if I’m writing the right novel – the one that will cover all these extravagances.

MS is a frustrating MonSter, and I must learn to roll with its punches and fight back. There will be other rounds, but I’ve got this one.

Yes, I need to consider Audible as my eyes are at risk – not just from reading. Double vision was my initial symptom back in 1999, so the warning is there.

More rabbit holes beckon.